Confusion of Where I Call Home

This is a question that I keep asking myself is, where do I belong, where is my home ?

Is it the Blue Mountains or NSW or much bigger than that is it Australia or England, that I’m trying to work out, I feel torn between the two countries.

I know I keep saying I’m lost and its true I’m not feeling any direction, I did feel the pull of the Blue Mountains, but maybe I’m just driving to where I feel safe.

My house is no longer at the base of the Blue Mountains, not that I really call my house my home, it was just a place to sleep and store my stuff. The Blue Mountains felt more like my home, where I could hike for days, no pressure no one judging you, no time scale.

I’m staying at Glenella my friends bed and breakfast, in Blackheath this too felt like a safe place to stay for a few nights while I was visiting friends.

I started packing my backpack with spare clothes and a few books to give it some weight. Having a proper backpack on once again felt exhilarating, I could feel a smile starting to grow across my face.

Pascale the new host at Glenella asked to try it on, she walked around the BnB standing tall and looked at herself in the mirror admiring the backpack or here self. I thought that was the last time I would see my backpack, as she too kept smiling at the feel of my backpack.

She told me the red was so much better than the green backpack, which made me feel like I had made the right choice after all.

I managed to prise the backpack off Pascale and headed out to Hat Hill Road a few minutes drive from Glenella.

Photo

I took a few photos of my bright red backpack, in the unlikely event I got it dirty. Charcoal can soon ruin the colour of a pack in seconds as you brush past burnt trees or try and scramble under them.

The amount of times I have ducked under a fallen tree and forgotten I have a backpack on. You come to a sudden stop, then fall flat on your face or sometimes roll off to the side.

to one of my happy places in the mountains, this is a nice easy walk with excellent views which I take my friends to introduce them to hiking. Incredible vistas with minimal effort just a small hill in the wilderness to get them hooked.

Hiking with my new backpack on felt so good, I now felt invincible, looking around the mountains I thought I’m back, I’m home.

I continued walking past red native flowers and birds, this must be a sign that I have chosen red as my backpack. I also walk into a green bush and think this is karma for returning the green backpack.

I sat down and had something to eat so I could take more photos of my new best friend.

Then I got thinking, am I back, am I home, the answer to that lies with the girl I met last night and the card reading she gave me.

“Look back to why you choose to leave your job and your house, go back to a year ago to find the answers your looking for.” I felt like I was talking to Yoda.

I made a massive decision to leave my job and sell my house, so I could live a life of adventure.

So its clear, I’m only visiting the Blue Mountains, their no longer a place I can call home, I must move on.

I’ve out grown the Blue Mountains, I need higher places to hike and my new Osprey Stratos 26 backpack is going to take me there.

o

This is my new beginning, a new chapter in my life, where I don’t have a home, I only have a backpack and adventures.

Oh yeah and at the moment I also have a new tent and a car full of crap.

So I may not have a home, but I’m going to find a place I call home, and one day that home will have a wife and child in it. They just don’t know the bizarre turn of events thats eventually going to lead me to them, so my psychic tells me.

This I have to believe, one day soon I’ll find the right person that wants this strange lost soul in there life, that knows how to wash the dishes in less than one cup of water.

I can also capture spiders, and like romantic walks along the moon lit beach while drinking champagne, oh wait thats for another site.

Im sure in the next month or so I’ll have sorted my self out and my blogs will be full of positivity, but I thought I would share my thinking process of healing myself, by hiking and talking to other bloggers and writers on the net.

It’s been one hell of a year and I’m hoping next year will be a little less dramatic and filled with more happiness, I know this will be true because my baby sisters getting married.

Does anyone else feel lost, like they don’t have a place to call home ? I’m sure I’m not alone here.

Advertisement

6 thoughts on “Confusion of Where I Call Home

  1. I use to feel lost, but my little unit l bought last year is definitely my home 😁.
    I love how you didn’t want to get your backpack dirty, to me it’s like when you buy new boots, l cant wait to get them dirty 😊
    Oh a wife and child hey, well if it’s on the cards i’m sure it will happen. Enjoy the journey on the way to meeting this special lady that’s going to give you a child. So beautiful. Love reading your posts

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not planning on getting another house just yet until I’ve found a location I want to settle down.
      I just wanted a photo of my backpack clean because I’m not precious with that I know in a few days he will be dirty.

      Well if I put a wife and child out there you never know.
      I enjoy reading your post on a night too

      Like

  2. Hike, hike, hike!! Maybe a kayak paddle or two.
    Somehow some of us humans seem to be adventurous and that can also make us feel a bit lost when things don’t go as planned. But, I wouldn’t trade it for any other life of any other person!

    My friends have never understood my wonderings and adventures alone, many were invited and always seemed to have other things to do other than spend time with me. After awhile I just got use to my own solitude and desired it even.

    I was really ready to give up on ever having a life partner (several very bad experiences had ruined my faith in most people and in finding love and a place of home) but then when I wasn’t looking my “hubby” showed up. After 11 years I am still wondering how it happened. He fixed the parts of me that seemed to be broken and was boring as heck (maybe a good balance to my adventurous as heck nature). Most of all he was kind where when I was lost and alone I had found very little kindness.

    Chris- hold on to the small things that make you smile each day and just wait. The universe will fix this too. Sorry I don’t have the answer for when that will be or how. Just know some of us have been in that boat too and feel your pain as if it were our own.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your kind words, I have spent a lot of time alone In fact most of it seems to be alone. That’s why I was looking at venturing outside my 9-5 job on the same trains to the same house. I thought if I changed that then things would happen, which they have.
      I just need to embrace the life of adventure, it’s all change and I need to change my thinking.
      I guess there is no rule book and I just jumped in and haven’t adapted just yet.
      I guess not many of my friends want to go on long hike, there more into dinners and restaurants but there is a select few that go hiking with me.
      I love the boring hubby that’s what most people call me, boring and mono tone, no spirit. I don’t think that’s true but put me at a party of business people where I don’t know anyone and yes I am boring.
      Funny how a few bad comments can stick with you for life and make it hard to shake.

      Anyway thanks for your feedback as always.
      I should have Internet and be able to catch up.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Keep hiking, one foot in front of the other and the rest will follow. Perhaps, think of this as Chapter Two. I think home is where the heart is, where the heart or soul feels happiest and well being. It’s different things to different people, four walls, a town, a loved one, a country, or hiking. I think it’s also changeable as life changes. And, as for being an adventurer/hiker, it’s often a solo or alone activity. This is because it can be tough, uncomfortable and unpredictable. It can put people out of their comfort zone and it tests their limits. Some of us love it but others not so much, their fears and apprehensions get in the way of allowing themselves to see the world from a different lens or perspective.
    Just my perspective anyway.
    I’m enjoying your blog.

    Like

    1. Thank you Rosie for reading and commenting.
      Yes I agree this is definitely chapter two of my life and the rules have changed I just don’t think I realised I had to change as well.
      Different opportunities have come my way this week so I’ll see where they take me.
      I’m so glad your enjoying my blog.
      Chris

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s